Hey lovelies,
So its nearly the end of 2022. How did this happen? I genuinely have no clue.
This year has been weird, its felt like the world still hasn't recovered from covid and with everything going on world wide (not including the mental stuff going on in the UK) its been a weird one.
I started therapy this year, Covid caused me to have these anxieties i've never had in my life, to be triggered by thoughts and words that would've ever affected me before. So that has been a huge part of my year, trying for so long to deal with it myself, until I realised I couldn't fix this particular problem alone.
And I find this seems to be a running theme for me at the moment, trying to take on the world alone. What I have realised from this is that it usually ends up with me getting nothing done at all, because I overwhelm myself with expectations, plans and goals.
Basically I haven't been doing what I preach to everyone in my classes and this ended up in a huge burn out around september time, I left the full time job that was causing me so much stress and anxiety ( which was actually an amazing outcome to this burnt out) and I took 3 months off sick.
I had so many plans and things i wanted to get done during this time. But my mind, body and everything else was crying out for rest. To reset and re-evaluate what I have been doing and why it wasn't working.
So I sat, I rested, I meditated, worked out, did yoga and SLEPT SO MUCH. It felt weird to do nothing, to not be "on target". Im not going to lie I had many many mini meltdowns, called myself a failure i cant even tell you how many times, told myself i wouldn't ever be anything and that I was wasting the last year of my 20's as an anxious, failed mess.
But none of this is true, life's hard for all of us right now. This anxiety is simply but a chapter in my life that i will get through and grow from. Your life doesn't end at 29, so what if this year is spent on me, learning and getting through this hard time, So what.
I have always felt like I'm a failure from a young age, due to such high expectations from everyone around me. This is something i've taken on as an adult too. But you know what, i don't want it.
I'm not a failure, i'm trying to build a business that helps people fall in love with who they are again. I have found the thing that makes my heart sing, so what if its hard. Nothing ever came easy to anyone.
Loving myself hasn't been easy this year, but i'm trying. I'm proud of who i am and where I came from, of what i've done this year and what I'll achieve in the years to come.
So basically this year I have learnt to stop giving a shit about timelines, about expectations, to stop comparing myself to everyone else and to stop listening to everyone else's opinion on me and where i should be right now.
Nothing is linear, things don't just happen and putting pressure on yourself to do every single thing all the time wont get you anywhere.
So don't set new years resolutions, don't change who you are or hope for someone new in 2023. Love who you are now, manifest things you hope to create but don't get angry if they don't happen. Don't set dates or try to please the world around you. Just take it one day at a time.
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